Acrobat

The majority of my life I have strived to go unnoticed, to blend in, to quietly get by. As a painfully shy and excessively over-weight female I always felt as though everything I did was being monitored and judged by those around me. Each word I spoke, step I took, and bite I consumed was being critiqued and whispered about. I realize now, how very wrong I was.
At this point in my life, I feel more under the microscope than ever. It's become a struggle to cope with what I am becoming and how I am received. My confidence is at its highest despite the occasional lapse back into my old ways of thinking. I've developed a solid support system that has given me more strength and hope that I ever imagined. I thrive on the encouragement and compliments of others, despite how awkward and overwhelming it can be. Being frequently described as inspiring and looked to for motivation is surreal to me, yet I'm honored to be seen in this new light.
However,the most difficult facet to cope with in this venture, has been the negativity and hostility from some family and friends. Gore Vidal wrote "Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies." I can see the truth in that statement. I never expected to be alienated due to something as basic as improving myself. I feel as though what I am now seems to pose a threat, makes me less likable and opens me up to negative thoughts and comments from others. Some are more overt with their opinions, while others seem to exude a vibe of resentment.
I have always been an extremely sensitive person and I cannot and will not deny that I am hurt. I'm not always able to express my hurt, so it often is converted into my own hostility. I did not set out to make this change for or against anyone. It's not about them, it's about me. I'm taking that hurt/hostility and using it to push myself even harder. If they can't like me as much at 179 as they did at 245, well, then they never liked me at all. I thank them for the motivation.

"...don't let the bastards grind you down." U2